I Wonder

 I Wonder

I wonder if you're lying there

Miles from where my eyes can see

Lying in your bed alone

Thinking about me.

I wonder if you miss my smile

My soft beguiling voice

I wonder if you understand

That I didn't have a choice.

To let you go, to let you know

That some things had to change

Things that could only be fixed by you

If some things, you'd rearrange.

I didn't mean to hurt you

Or fill your life with strife

I only meant to love you

And bring joy to your life.

I only meant to share my self

Like I'd never shared before

You said it meant the world to you

Until you slammed the door.

And here I am and there you are

On opposite sides of the door

And I'm alone and you're alone

Just like we were before.

And the world's a duller, dimmer place

The stars don't shine as bright

The sun at dawn feels so forlorn

And each night's an endless night.

Those velvet nights we dreamed together

Now seem so far away

Lying in your lover's arms

Until the break of day.

How we used to talk about everything

Make a joke of anything

Share the music that we loved

Sometimes, I'd even sing.

And the poetry that flowed from us

Like a fountain from our souls!

I thought we shared our hearts and minds

I thought we shared our goals!!

But my goals were not your goals, it seems

You chose another path

A path that I could not walk with you

And it tore my heart in half.

That 'once in a lifetime' 'forever and always'

It was not meant to be

That one soul split in two and then

'We' became 'you' and 'me.'

But my arms still miss you in them

My lips still crave your kiss

My body burns for your tender touch

And your love, I'll always miss.

I wonder if you think of me

And remember how it was

Those things I said and did for you

And gave you, just because.

I wonder if you say my name

Sometimes in your sleep

Hold to me there in your dreams

That pull you down so deep.

I wonder if you feel me

Touching you sometime

Running my hands over you

Driving you out of your mind.

I wonder, how I wonder

If anything with us was real

Or if it was a spell that we were under

That made us feel the things we'd feel.

I couldn't be sure, I could never be sure

If what we had would last

Now the future that I dreamed with you

Is laying buried in the past.

Still alive, but just a ghost

A mirage that shimmers there

On a place that once was lush and green

Now a desert, dry and bare.

And all we have are memories

And words and poems and songs

That we can't bear to hear again

Now those right things turned to wrongs.

How fast can love turn into war

How quick the heart can shatter

How soon we grab what matters not

And let go the things that matter.

But in the midnight's lonely hours

When my mind is full of thunder

My heart tells my mind to be quiet

And it's then I lay and wonder.

And it's then I wish we could go back

To the way it was before

But neither of us seem to have the key

To that locked door anymore.

I wonder if you think of me

I wonder if you care

I wonder if you know my heart

Is always with you there.

I wonder..........................

©By Voo Shining Stone

July 21, 2020

12:53 a.m.